you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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