this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
