I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
