I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
