I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize