Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We don't watch enough power rangers
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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