Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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