At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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