Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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