he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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