I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
