Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize