I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
