I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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