mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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