I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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