The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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