Your dad touched me again.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
