My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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