just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize