I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If that was your dad, he is hot
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
