UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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