I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize