I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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