So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
