the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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