Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
