I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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