Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
