he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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