And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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