is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
