I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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