It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
