i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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