I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
