I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
