I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
