During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
