my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
