I cannot find my penis.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
