speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
