Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
