don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
