Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
