I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
