I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
