I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
