if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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