Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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