yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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