Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
