He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
