My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Drake has all the answers
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
