Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
