the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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