it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
