I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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