we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
