I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
