thus making me awesome and them whores
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Randomize
