I love black thongs
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
do nipples grow back?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
