She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
