At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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