She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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