Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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