Buhtt sex?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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