Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
