the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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