I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize