I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I cut my penus on the lid.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize