Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
