Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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