clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
