what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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