so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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