dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize