My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
