Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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