I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
