Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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