i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
