I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
