i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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