oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize