I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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