My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize