He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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