my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I need to align my fucking chakras
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize